honey bunches of taint.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
