...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
