I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
