1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
