So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
