I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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