would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
