mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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