No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can text with my tongue
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize