I hate your face
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize