Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
MIDGETS
????
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
