Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
