Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
