i need an iv and a liver transplant
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
high people should be assigned attendants
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
