Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The air taste purple.
Randomize
