...so i touched it.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
