i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
