I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
