If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
