I just saw a hot homeless man
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
