i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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