I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize