Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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