i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
