Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
