i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
