u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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