But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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