I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
