That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
