I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
