I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
