ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
