I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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