i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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