I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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