I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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