I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
