i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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