i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
