I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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