Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
