T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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