just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
