The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
