i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I understand Curling. That high.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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