Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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