I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
