This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
