I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
