There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
