i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
