my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
