i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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