THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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