alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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