Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
