we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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