Ketchup is God's man juice
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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