I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
