'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
