Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
