the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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