Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
there is glitter all over my balls
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
