sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
