i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Randomize
