Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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