my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
