oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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