Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
