I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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