I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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