I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
