How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
