Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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