I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
