sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
