He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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