life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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