either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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