Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
