I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
